the best is yet to come.

my belief for 2oo9 is that the best is yet to come
i believe that God will blow my mind, and all the
things hes promised and spoken over my life will
begin to manifest..tonite dana's mom auntie hailey
said " the time is out for mediocrity" how right was she?


we only get one life given to us on this Earth,
and though man's days are all filled with trouble
we have the power to pray and get a handle on those
things that trouble us, if i can testify for a moment.

ive been struggling with something and those closest
to me know what im talking about , and ive been wanting
to forgive and get over it, but my pride & flesh were
really getting the best of me. so as i do in any situation
that affecting my mind i go to God and ask for guidance, and
for a solution cause if theres on thing i hate its dissension
i hate to be at odds with anyone and as ive matured ive learned
to find a way to settle the problem but pride was like no way !

so i spoke to my favorite and he gave me words and really helped
see that i was being immature and being a christian i have to remember
that no matter what anyone does to me forgiveness has to be on the other
side of my anger, i have to love regardless. sister gail compared forgiveness
to Gods forgiveness in a a relationship and God loves us so much
that no matter what we do He'll always be waiting for us to repent and come home.


this is the mindset ive been trying to take, and i refuse to succumb to the flesh
and let my pride prevent me from forgiving those who have wronged me its easy
to forgive , but forgetting is the issue.

but anyway i prayed that God would help me settle this and HE already has begun
the process...i love my God so much im just like in love with Him and all he has done
for me just blows my mind... but what i love most is the best is yet to come !

look at me.

so many things have changed this year,
i was told the number 8 meant new beginnings.
and when i look over the year 2oo8 i see nothing
but that.. God changed soooo much for me , and
through the tears and the hurt hes brought me
closer to him, and thats all that matters,

the national evangelist joyce rogers was at my church
on sunday and while she was doing altar call she said
" God says some of the things you lost this year you
arent going to get back .. hes not going to replace them
hes not going to give you anything , nothing but HIM."

&& thats all i want..
i dont want love ,
i dont want friendship
i dont want everyone to love me
but God if i could just rest in your arms
in your presence in your house forever
there ill be satisfied...

though it hurt and youve had
to literally rip me away from people
( hey you created me with this heart
that loves sooo hard ) im thankful you
did it cause you're the only one worth
the love this heart has...

when it hurts so bad.

i became attached to him because i'd lost love for him. noone mattered to me more than him he was my best friend he comforted me, he protected me, and was there as a friend whenever i needed him, and he was attached to me as well. we did everything together we became ATTACHED TO ONE ANOTHER.

but thats exactly what it was attachment. i lived off of him. in my weakest state he was everything i needed.

my sanctuary , with him the worlds problems went away. when he was angry i was hurt, when he yelled i cried, when i upset him i would do everything in my power to make it right because i neeeeded his friendship. i needed that security. i needed to know that while everything around me was changing, he'd always be there .

and i think thats why its so hard being without him now. cause i dont have that protection, that friendship, that sanctuary, when the my problem's became too much i ran to him, didn't even have to explain he just provided the comfort i needed with his jokes or his laughter...i sought him for everything, but that was the problem.

when God caused us to separate it hurt me so deeply, i cried myself to sleep EVERY night, i could see why God wanted us to be apart, but i was afraid to be on my own , and without him. God revealed himself to me.. reminding me that HE's my sanctuary my protection, my best friend, my love, my everything. and before he was there God was there...

you make me better.

so a friend told me yesterday
that i was doing better
in not being a rude, but
we wasnt sure that i didnt
want to be rude, and that
he thinks i like it.

which in a sense could be true.
i love expressing how im feeling
because it makes me feel better
but many times that comes with a
lack of thought for how what im
saying or doing can make the
other person feel. Initially
i tried to justify being rude,
but i opened my bible, and there
it was clear as day:

"he who restrains his lips has knowledge"
- proverbs 17: 27.


cant argue with that.
im thankful for friends
who allow me to see myself
a little more clearly.


now if i could only help them.

true love.

true love.
a kiss on the lips from Jesus as you pray
the touch of God's hand upon your life
intimacy with God through His Word
love songs written to you in the form of the bible
Jesus sacrificing his life, for everything you are.

seek & understand these things, and i guarantee
you'll come to know true love, cause i swear im here
and im falling in love...


a man or woman cannot satisfy your need for companionship
until you truly find that missing piece of yourself in Christ. I realize
now that trying to fall in love or seek a relationship without
first having that intimacy with God is POINTLESS. God is a jealous
God and how can i be in love with someone else, when im not completely
in love with Him. When youre precious to God, he's stingy with you, and He
will not allow anyone to put their fingerprints on His trophy..

anita & india

my two fave singers, anita first though.

bored.

You are trapped in a room with your ex for three days what do you do?
day one : argue
day two: laugh
day three: laugh argue kill each other.


You are stuck on an elevator with the person you fell the hardest for what happens?
cry


Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you what do you do?
shake my head and say here we going again.



When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friends?
back n the day.


Who is the last person you had a sleep over with?
who else? dana necole




Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?
a day i the life.


Who is the last guy you talked to?
thomasssssssss.


Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with?
keana .



Who was the last person you cried in front of?
my old pastor and wife, love em


What do you wear more; jeans sweat pants or shorts?
jeanssss.


Would you consider being married/engaged right now?
engaged sure, married no only because im still in school.


What is one thing you do before you go to sleep?
cover my face.


Have you ever broken someones heart?
yea.



Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
anytime.


Have you ever said you would never love again?
yep


Do you say sorry first?
if im forced to, humility right?


What pisses you off?
liars.



Has someone ever made you a promise and broken it?
who hasnt except dana & keana?



Do you like your name?
its whatever.



Do you have any older siblings?
no


When was the last time you were on the phone after two am?
last night.




Was middle school a bad experience for you?
nope.



Tell me about the shirt you are wearing?
whack.

Do you tell your best friend everything?
only God knows it all.


When do you get the butterflies?
last time i had butterflies the boy with the beard laid his head on my shoulder.

if your single why?
i refuse to trust.


When was the last time you talked to your number one?
today, hii david !


Have you ever cried and didnt know why?
yep



do you have any plans for tomorrow?
breathing.


How old do you think you will be when you finally have children?
24


Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football


What made you happy today?
nothing at all. noone at all.



what is your middle name?
yvonne.




where will you be in an hour?
sleep.



could you date someone taller than you?
im like 3 feet tall.


do you like cuddling?
with him.



do you miss anyone?
yeah my boys.


do you like country music?
yah trick yah





are looks important?
yeah. of course


what are you looking forward to in the next couple of months?
christmas.


is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
its all natural..



how old are your siblings?
11 8 6



who did you sleep with last night?
me & my music note pillow.



if you were to die today would your life be complete?
i have God, so call that completion.



how do you handle stress?
i hide it. deep within.


do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
sure


is your hair curly?
at the root ! lol




what was the first thing you thought this morning?
i need a yes or no.


where is the next place you will travel?
the moon.

resentment

"if you have to hide it then what you are doing is wrong"

think about it.

humility.

ive had a constant issue with humbling
myself but someone said something to me
today that opened my eyes....


" you have alot of pride, and youre gonna
miss something thats good for you "


aint that the truth.

uncomfortable.

one issue ive always dealt with
is finding out that young men i consider
my friends end up with more than just
friendly feelings towards me. it often
makes me wonder if guys befriend me because
they are trying to build a relationship
or if they honestly & truly just want
to be a friend .

recently, someone surprisingly revealed
that he wanted to be more than friends
and it sucks because he's an awesome guy
but im just not intersted you know ?
usually im good about these things and keep
up the friendship but when someone basically
tries to force their way in i tend to get
a little you know... uncomfortable...
sigh...

michael beasley ....

is a blood




suwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooop

july 29 2oo8

his touch is so powerful because thats where his gift lies
fingertips manipulate, force, press, and glide producing
lucid dreams controlled only by his mind flowing so naturally
like waves hit the shore so do his thoughts hit the fingers he
plays gently he captures the mood in his palm and it drips
softly following to the tips and bleeds onto the canvas he
bleeds , he breathes it , his life force making him so amazingly
capturing holding my attention. i watch, i desire that same touch
that same passion i beg it to be bleed upon me. the magic in his
hands fills me and i glow nothing else encompasses my mindbut
his magic. i lust for that power that touch as i yet sit back and watch. the magic, the power that he has envelops me i stare wanting eye contact hoping that maybe that passion
in his hands will burn through those eyesand see me the way he sees his canvas
his instrument he is the painter of his love he pours his colors into her & the sight
& sound produced is unmatched. eyes glazed over he looks at me as i watch
they glimmer but for a moment and he breaks his gaze he stops the silence is so loud
i look away .. why does he hide the magic for me?



disclaimer : intricate thoughts , not poetry.

lapd=kkk.

so i was in inglewood today with my mother
my siblings my best friend (keana) & her neice,
and we see a group walking down manchester
in protest. as they are walking people are honking
and agreeing with their protest when they get a little
closer we realize that they are saying that the lapd is
the kkk, and that the inglewood pd are the real terrorist.
When i saw this i was ashamed of my race & culture.
Do we not understand that attaching racism
to every wrong done against us we make ourselves look ignorant?

every mishap can not be attributed to racism. i absolutely hate the
excuses given for the black man's plight. there are plenty of successful
african americans and they did not reach their various levels of success
by blaming "the white man". We must learn to break out of this mentality
in order to gain a better understanding of life. It breaks my heart to see
that we continue to rest in the ignorance of many slaves(who fought for the liberties we have today) who thought it impossible to move ahead, (did you all miss the civil rights movement?)
we still believe that everyone and everything is against
us when in reality we are the ones who are not willing to go out and make a difference
too concerned with BET awards, and soulja boy's latest dance move. lol

my poor people when will we get a grip?



p.s. im just being honest, and thats exactly why i wouldn't be upset if a white person said the same thing because its true.

See, Here's the thing.

So last nite was a tremendous nite in my life.
Which is an ironic statement because I was hurt
sooooo badly last nite. But God!

I tried to explain to a "best" friend of mine
that I had been distant because I was growing
closer to God, and I needed to pull away in order
to get closer to God, and he told me "to live my life,
and you shouldn't be so holy you lose friends"...
what a magnificent statement from someone who
calls himself a Christian. That comment hurt me so
much, simply because he was someone who was so
close to me, and I expected him to understand and
to give me the time that I need. Instead he attacked me
and hurt me and made me seem like I thought I was better
than him. But the anger in his spirit is no conviction of mine
its a conviction of his own doing.

After this conversation I cried, I cried my little eyes out (again)
but I opened my Word, and there it was plain as day

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Hesys my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of allthings, and conut them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ." Phillipians 3:8


God clearly revealed himself in His Word, and encouraged me to count everything but rubbish so that I may gain more of Him. Something I am more than willing to do. At that moment I realized
how in love I am with God, to the point that I am willing to sacrifice anyting for Him. Even my closest friends if they are trying to pull me away. The cross that I bear casts it shadow upon their faces letting me see the Glory of God first, and letting all else be in its shadow.


I am feeling the relationship grow between God & I and He is already taking me to another level of worship. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! lol



I thank God because He is building awesome relationships with people around me. My Christian friend circle is opening and I am seeing awesome people for what they are, and im loving it. & There's a young man who is seemingly what I've been patiently waiting for...we shall see =)

29 facts you never even asked.

im bored. you love me. so read it.

29. i lived in new york once.
28. there's nothing like a nicely lined beard with a dimple in its midst
27. i like dawn from danity kane because thats my mother's name
26. light skin is and shall always be in.
25. i always and forever will have a crush on the rock
24. when i hear music i feel like someone loves me
23. i hate being lied to
22. my best friend's name is keana
21. my birthday is march 29th and theres no aries more aries than me
2o. i love hugs
19. when i was four i put a lego in my nose and had to go to er to have it removed
18. i like the smell of mothballs
17. i liked my best friend for like 2 years
16. now i like a guy who can be referred to as Guy legally.
15. i used to get nauseous when i thought about my ex boyfriend during meals.
14. when im home alone i sing very loudly
13. my bed set at my dorm has music notes all over it
12. i let someone who was absolultely perfect for me go. & i dont care actually.
11. vodka && i dont agree well when i drink it.
1o. i can do 6 cartwheels in a row when im drunk.
9. i cant seem to get away from musicians.
8. i dont trust girls, they never brought me good fortune.
7. im actually a church girl
6. if john legend and i were in the same room id probably seduce him. and i think Jesus would understand .
5. anita baker is my favorite singer
4. i hate the way fish look and im afraid to touch them.
3. amy winehouse is my heroo.
2. i hate when people stare into my eyes as were talking and then make mention of their color.
1. i hate , and i do mean hate WHEN PEOPLE SMACK WHILE THEY ARE EATING.

Take Your Own Advice Bee.

So a friend of mine
was expressing to me
the issues he was having
with a girl , and how they
were pretty much done and I told him

"Its okay to be hurt,
sometimes God places us in people's lives
to help them and teach them lessons, not to be
with them forever."

As i relayed this clarity from God to him
I came to an amazing conclusion. That was
my purpose with a certain someone (who I
have been going through hell trying to get over)
. Not to be with him forever , not to crawl back
to him begging him to love me once more. It was
to learn a lesson about relationships, and apply
what I learned to the next love God will place
into my life .

Thank God
I can see this so much more clearly. And I can
finally let go. =)

I really must learn to take my own advice. To cure
the fever in my own house before I go diagnosing
everyone else's sickness.

Girl Uninterrupted

mood: pensieve


at this point i find life so interesting in so many different ways.

there are so many intricate pieces to this puzzle that i have in my hands it just seems i dont know exactly where to place them. Some form of destiny calls to me but it seems like destiny throws its voice. kyle and i (shoutout to verBS) had a conversation about religion once and he put a powerful thought in my head he said :

"what if all this exists because we give it the power to exist" .

So im thinking that my destiny is whatever i give it the power to be, so basically im taking that and running with it. I've just gotta focus that energy and enable myself to see things more clearly. THANK GOD for His clarity, and for his abundant grace, and love...without those things i'd be insane and truly a girl interrupted.