one issue ive always dealt with
is finding out that young men i consider
my friends end up with more than just
friendly feelings towards me. it often
makes me wonder if guys befriend me because
they are trying to build a relationship
or if they honestly & truly just want
to be a friend .
recently, someone surprisingly revealed
that he wanted to be more than friends
and it sucks because he's an awesome guy
but im just not intersted you know ?
usually im good about these things and keep
up the friendship but when someone basically
tries to force their way in i tend to get
a little you know... uncomfortable...
sigh...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
july 29 2oo8
his touch is so powerful because thats where his gift lies
fingertips manipulate, force, press, and glide producing
lucid dreams controlled only by his mind flowing so naturally
like waves hit the shore so do his thoughts hit the fingers he
plays gently he captures the mood in his palm and it drips
softly following to the tips and bleeds onto the canvas he
bleeds , he breathes it , his life force making him so amazingly
capturing holding my attention. i watch, i desire that same touch
that same passion i beg it to be bleed upon me. the magic in his
hands fills me and i glow nothing else encompasses my mindbut
his magic. i lust for that power that touch as i yet sit back and watch. the magic, the power that he has envelops me i stare wanting eye contact hoping that maybe that passion
in his hands will burn through those eyesand see me the way he sees his canvas
his instrument he is the painter of his love he pours his colors into her & the sight
& sound produced is unmatched. eyes glazed over he looks at me as i watch
they glimmer but for a moment and he breaks his gaze he stops the silence is so loud
i look away .. why does he hide the magic for me?
disclaimer : intricate thoughts , not poetry.
fingertips manipulate, force, press, and glide producing
lucid dreams controlled only by his mind flowing so naturally
like waves hit the shore so do his thoughts hit the fingers he
plays gently he captures the mood in his palm and it drips
softly following to the tips and bleeds onto the canvas he
bleeds , he breathes it , his life force making him so amazingly
capturing holding my attention. i watch, i desire that same touch
that same passion i beg it to be bleed upon me. the magic in his
hands fills me and i glow nothing else encompasses my mindbut
his magic. i lust for that power that touch as i yet sit back and watch. the magic, the power that he has envelops me i stare wanting eye contact hoping that maybe that passion
in his hands will burn through those eyesand see me the way he sees his canvas
his instrument he is the painter of his love he pours his colors into her & the sight
& sound produced is unmatched. eyes glazed over he looks at me as i watch
they glimmer but for a moment and he breaks his gaze he stops the silence is so loud
i look away .. why does he hide the magic for me?
disclaimer : intricate thoughts , not poetry.
Friday, July 25, 2008
lapd=kkk.
so i was in inglewood today with my mother
my siblings my best friend (keana) & her neice,
and we see a group walking down manchester
in protest. as they are walking people are honking
and agreeing with their protest when they get a little
closer we realize that they are saying that the lapd is
the kkk, and that the inglewood pd are the real terrorist.
When i saw this i was ashamed of my race & culture.
Do we not understand that attaching racism
to every wrong done against us we make ourselves look ignorant?
every mishap can not be attributed to racism. i absolutely hate the
excuses given for the black man's plight. there are plenty of successful
african americans and they did not reach their various levels of success
by blaming "the white man". We must learn to break out of this mentality
in order to gain a better understanding of life. It breaks my heart to see
that we continue to rest in the ignorance of many slaves(who fought for the liberties we have today) who thought it impossible to move ahead, (did you all miss the civil rights movement?)
we still believe that everyone and everything is against
us when in reality we are the ones who are not willing to go out and make a difference
too concerned with BET awards, and soulja boy's latest dance move. lol
my poor people when will we get a grip?
p.s. im just being honest, and thats exactly why i wouldn't be upset if a white person said the same thing because its true.
my siblings my best friend (keana) & her neice,
and we see a group walking down manchester
in protest. as they are walking people are honking
and agreeing with their protest when they get a little
closer we realize that they are saying that the lapd is
the kkk, and that the inglewood pd are the real terrorist.
When i saw this i was ashamed of my race & culture.
Do we not understand that attaching racism
to every wrong done against us we make ourselves look ignorant?
every mishap can not be attributed to racism. i absolutely hate the
excuses given for the black man's plight. there are plenty of successful
african americans and they did not reach their various levels of success
by blaming "the white man". We must learn to break out of this mentality
in order to gain a better understanding of life. It breaks my heart to see
that we continue to rest in the ignorance of many slaves(who fought for the liberties we have today) who thought it impossible to move ahead, (did you all miss the civil rights movement?)
we still believe that everyone and everything is against
us when in reality we are the ones who are not willing to go out and make a difference
too concerned with BET awards, and soulja boy's latest dance move. lol
my poor people when will we get a grip?
p.s. im just being honest, and thats exactly why i wouldn't be upset if a white person said the same thing because its true.
Monday, June 2, 2008
See, Here's the thing.
So last nite was a tremendous nite in my life.
Which is an ironic statement because I was hurt
sooooo badly last nite. But God!
I tried to explain to a "best" friend of mine
that I had been distant because I was growing
closer to God, and I needed to pull away in order
to get closer to God, and he told me "to live my life,
and you shouldn't be so holy you lose friends"...
what a magnificent statement from someone who
calls himself a Christian. That comment hurt me so
much, simply because he was someone who was so
close to me, and I expected him to understand and
to give me the time that I need. Instead he attacked me
and hurt me and made me seem like I thought I was better
than him. But the anger in his spirit is no conviction of mine
its a conviction of his own doing.
After this conversation I cried, I cried my little eyes out (again)
but I opened my Word, and there it was plain as day
"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Hesys my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of allthings, and conut them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ." Phillipians 3:8
God clearly revealed himself in His Word, and encouraged me to count everything but rubbish so that I may gain more of Him. Something I am more than willing to do. At that moment I realized
how in love I am with God, to the point that I am willing to sacrifice anyting for Him. Even my closest friends if they are trying to pull me away. The cross that I bear casts it shadow upon their faces letting me see the Glory of God first, and letting all else be in its shadow.
I am feeling the relationship grow between God & I and He is already taking me to another level of worship. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! lol
I thank God because He is building awesome relationships with people around me. My Christian friend circle is opening and I am seeing awesome people for what they are, and im loving it. & There's a young man who is seemingly what I've been patiently waiting for...we shall see =)
Which is an ironic statement because I was hurt
sooooo badly last nite. But God!
I tried to explain to a "best" friend of mine
that I had been distant because I was growing
closer to God, and I needed to pull away in order
to get closer to God, and he told me "to live my life,
and you shouldn't be so holy you lose friends"...
what a magnificent statement from someone who
calls himself a Christian. That comment hurt me so
much, simply because he was someone who was so
close to me, and I expected him to understand and
to give me the time that I need. Instead he attacked me
and hurt me and made me seem like I thought I was better
than him. But the anger in his spirit is no conviction of mine
its a conviction of his own doing.
After this conversation I cried, I cried my little eyes out (again)
but I opened my Word, and there it was plain as day
"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Hesys my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of allthings, and conut them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ." Phillipians 3:8
God clearly revealed himself in His Word, and encouraged me to count everything but rubbish so that I may gain more of Him. Something I am more than willing to do. At that moment I realized
how in love I am with God, to the point that I am willing to sacrifice anyting for Him. Even my closest friends if they are trying to pull me away. The cross that I bear casts it shadow upon their faces letting me see the Glory of God first, and letting all else be in its shadow.
I am feeling the relationship grow between God & I and He is already taking me to another level of worship. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! lol
I thank God because He is building awesome relationships with people around me. My Christian friend circle is opening and I am seeing awesome people for what they are, and im loving it. & There's a young man who is seemingly what I've been patiently waiting for...we shall see =)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
29 facts you never even asked.
im bored. you love me. so read it.
29. i lived in new york once.
28. there's nothing like a nicely lined beard with a dimple in its midst
27. i like dawn from danity kane because thats my mother's name
26. light skin is and shall always be in.
25. i always and forever will have a crush on the rock
24. when i hear music i feel like someone loves me
23. i hate being lied to
22. my best friend's name is keana
21. my birthday is march 29th and theres no aries more aries than me
2o. i love hugs
19. when i was four i put a lego in my nose and had to go to er to have it removed
18. i like the smell of mothballs
17. i liked my best friend for like 2 years
16. now i like a guy who can be referred to as Guy legally.
15. i used to get nauseous when i thought about my ex boyfriend during meals.
14. when im home alone i sing very loudly
13. my bed set at my dorm has music notes all over it
12. i let someone who was absolultely perfect for me go. & i dont care actually.
11. vodka && i dont agree well when i drink it.
1o. i can do 6 cartwheels in a row when im drunk.
9. i cant seem to get away from musicians.
8. i dont trust girls, they never brought me good fortune.
7. im actually a church girl
6. if john legend and i were in the same room id probably seduce him. and i think Jesus would understand .
5. anita baker is my favorite singer
4. i hate the way fish look and im afraid to touch them.
3. amy winehouse is my heroo.
2. i hate when people stare into my eyes as were talking and then make mention of their color.
1. i hate , and i do mean hate WHEN PEOPLE SMACK WHILE THEY ARE EATING.
29. i lived in new york once.
28. there's nothing like a nicely lined beard with a dimple in its midst
27. i like dawn from danity kane because thats my mother's name
26. light skin is and shall always be in.
25. i always and forever will have a crush on the rock
24. when i hear music i feel like someone loves me
23. i hate being lied to
22. my best friend's name is keana
21. my birthday is march 29th and theres no aries more aries than me
2o. i love hugs
19. when i was four i put a lego in my nose and had to go to er to have it removed
18. i like the smell of mothballs
17. i liked my best friend for like 2 years
16. now i like a guy who can be referred to as Guy legally.
15. i used to get nauseous when i thought about my ex boyfriend during meals.
14. when im home alone i sing very loudly
13. my bed set at my dorm has music notes all over it
12. i let someone who was absolultely perfect for me go. & i dont care actually.
11. vodka && i dont agree well when i drink it.
1o. i can do 6 cartwheels in a row when im drunk.
9. i cant seem to get away from musicians.
8. i dont trust girls, they never brought me good fortune.
7. im actually a church girl
6. if john legend and i were in the same room id probably seduce him. and i think Jesus would understand .
5. anita baker is my favorite singer
4. i hate the way fish look and im afraid to touch them.
3. amy winehouse is my heroo.
2. i hate when people stare into my eyes as were talking and then make mention of their color.
1. i hate , and i do mean hate WHEN PEOPLE SMACK WHILE THEY ARE EATING.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Take Your Own Advice Bee.
So a friend of mine
was expressing to me
the issues he was having
with a girl , and how they
were pretty much done and I told him
"Its okay to be hurt,
sometimes God places us in people's lives
to help them and teach them lessons, not to be
with them forever."
As i relayed this clarity from God to him
I came to an amazing conclusion. That was
my purpose with a certain someone (who I
have been going through hell trying to get over)
. Not to be with him forever , not to crawl back
to him begging him to love me once more. It was
to learn a lesson about relationships, and apply
what I learned to the next love God will place
into my life .
Thank God
I can see this so much more clearly. And I can
finally let go. =)
I really must learn to take my own advice. To cure
the fever in my own house before I go diagnosing
everyone else's sickness.
was expressing to me
the issues he was having
with a girl , and how they
were pretty much done and I told him
"Its okay to be hurt,
sometimes God places us in people's lives
to help them and teach them lessons, not to be
with them forever."
As i relayed this clarity from God to him
I came to an amazing conclusion. That was
my purpose with a certain someone (who I
have been going through hell trying to get over)
. Not to be with him forever , not to crawl back
to him begging him to love me once more. It was
to learn a lesson about relationships, and apply
what I learned to the next love God will place
into my life .
Thank God
I can see this so much more clearly. And I can
finally let go. =)
I really must learn to take my own advice. To cure
the fever in my own house before I go diagnosing
everyone else's sickness.
Girl Uninterrupted
mood: pensieve
at this point i find life so interesting in so many different ways.
there are so many intricate pieces to this puzzle that i have in my hands it just seems i dont know exactly where to place them. Some form of destiny calls to me but it seems like destiny throws its voice. kyle and i (shoutout to verBS) had a conversation about religion once and he put a powerful thought in my head he said :
"what if all this exists because we give it the power to exist" .
So im thinking that my destiny is whatever i give it the power to be, so basically im taking that and running with it. I've just gotta focus that energy and enable myself to see things more clearly. THANK GOD for His clarity, and for his abundant grace, and love...without those things i'd be insane and truly a girl interrupted.
at this point i find life so interesting in so many different ways.
there are so many intricate pieces to this puzzle that i have in my hands it just seems i dont know exactly where to place them. Some form of destiny calls to me but it seems like destiny throws its voice. kyle and i (shoutout to verBS) had a conversation about religion once and he put a powerful thought in my head he said :
"what if all this exists because we give it the power to exist" .
So im thinking that my destiny is whatever i give it the power to be, so basically im taking that and running with it. I've just gotta focus that energy and enable myself to see things more clearly. THANK GOD for His clarity, and for his abundant grace, and love...without those things i'd be insane and truly a girl interrupted.
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